Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Interview with Conran Thomas

Currently producing content for BlokeToys.co.uk and MensSexAdvisor.co.uk, Conran Thomas is a writer and researcher, and author of the ebook Seven Pints. In this interview conducted some time ago, I ask Conran about the data, the research and the conclusions he has come to about heterosexual men and their secret fetish for cock and male masturbation.

Luke: What is Seven Pints and how did you come to start writing it?

Conran: Seven Pints is my attempt to lay it all out there in a digestible manner. We all have assumptions about sexuality, and most men stick to labels that are really not adequate when it comes to defining their sexual desires. I’m a member of a few forums and there was a constant theme where men who describe themselves as heterosexual defend their right to enjoy watching other guys wanking. Then inevitably another straight guy would arrive to tell them they are at least Bisexual if they like that. I had a theory that I wanted to test and asking a few hundred straight guys some questions seemed the right way to prove that theory.

Luke: What was the theory?

Conran: My theory was based on Kinsey’s ideas about the “gray areas” between gay, bi and straight. More directly I believed there were fetishes for male masturbation, dick in general, ejaculation and so on. Most of these straight guys who were talking about wanting to do things with other guys seemed to limit it to wanking, or at the very most oral. It seemed to be primarily a fetish for this sexual act or a fetish for cock specifically, combined with a desire for that friendship we all had as a teenager, where you could just get your cock out in front of a mate and stroke it.

Luke: So it’s about male friendship too?

Conran: Absolutely. Almost all male sexual research makes mention of “male teenage same-sex exploration”, but they neglect to ever say that this was usually limited to shared masturbation and they always forget to ask this of adult men. It seems many men desperately want this form of bonding to continue into their adult lives, and millions of them join sites like yours trying to find those friendships again.

Luke: I started B8M8 because of the same reasons. I was seeing a large number of men on the internet looking for male friendships for masturbation. And I too wanted a sexual friendship without the trappings of the gay scene and sexual expectations that come with it. How common do you think it is?

Conran: Well that’s why I wanted to start the surveys. I didn’t intend it to be much more than an interesting article, and before I knew it there was so much data and so many questions it became a book. And the responses seem to indicate that the vast majority are interested in having a male friend to share porn and a wank with. There are plenty of reasons why guys like wanking with other guys. The primary one is to create that close friendship where such things can be shared. Wanking is fun, and we all do it, so why not share it? It’s also about competition, bonding, a fetish for cock or masturbation specifically, many things really.

Luke: The friendship aspect is something you focus on in the book, can you elaborate on why you think it’s important?

Conran: Absolutely. I have always thought that men have a weird mindset when it comes to friendship. When we’re teens most of us have a few friends we hang out with. And most of us had one really close male friend in particular. But then, as we go through our late teens and twenties, something changes. We lose that close friendship and it’s replaced by colleagues, women, and acquaintances. Think about it, look at all the men you know and consider if they have any close friends. I mean really think about whether friendships are the same as they were in those teenage years.
But why does it change? My feeling is that we build up a new picture of boundaries. Some psychologists would suggest that this is healthy and normal, but I challenge that. In my estimation I have always been healthier and happier when I have had male friends that I could be truly honest and open with. I am happier when I have a male friend without constraints.
And I also think we rediscover this when we get older still, but by this time it’s often too late to make the most of it. Retired men find golfing buddies, the mid-life crisis often includes that strong desire for close male friendship, and we finally find that we’ve messed up by shutting out our male friendships or we’ve wasted a decade or two focusing entirely on our partners, our career, our acquaintances.

Luke: I guess you’re right. I’ve lost close friends to wives and partners. And I’ve done the same to some close friends too. How common is it though, do we all do this?

Conran: I think it changes depending on nationality. Different nationalities have different views on friendship based on societal expectations and mores. For example, it’s not uncommon in Italy, Turkey or even some African nations to have extremely deep male friendships and for these men to display their friendship openly. I discuss Turkey for a while in my book actually. They’re a great example. The Turkish national sport of Yağlı güreş displays their love of male friendship and bonding well. The sport itself involves men of all ages oiling themselves up (and each other), wearing tight leather shorts and wrestling. Advantage is gained by one wrestler getting their hand down in the shorts of their opponent. The rules of this sport are fascinating; they state that insertion of a finger into the anus is an illegal move, as is gripping of the testicles, but not grabbing of the dick.
Aside from the action itself, the participants openly bathe each other, prepare their friends with oil, and wait for their turn in the arena lounging around in the grass draped over their buddies. Visitors and commentators have commented that their friendship and camaraderie displays a deep appreciation for one another. When a wrestler becomes injured or even just gets grass in his eye it’s often their combatant who comes to their aid.

Luke: So why is this different in England or America?

Conran: Presumable religious influence plays a large part. But so too does media. For so long we’ve had it drummed into us that certain behaviours and actions make us “wimps” or “sissies”. Or we’ve been educated that male/male love is wrong, and so this extends to friendship too, preventing us from becoming “too close” to other men for fear of being labelled. The media aspect comes into it when we see how homosexuality was treated for decades. It’s still automatically asserted that gay means anal sex, and close male friendships meant gay. Therefore to show any deep appreciation or attachment toward other men in a friendship automatically meant you must also presumably enjoy taking dick up your arse.

Thankfully, things are changing. With the decline of religion, the legalisation of same sex relationships and development of the internet men are finding that they are capable of having truly close male friendships and that it’s no longer a problem in society. They’re discovering that they’re not weird for having certain desires and they are actually completely normal.

Luke: Without giving too much away, can you offer some statistics or give an outline of what you discovered through the surveys?

Conran: Sure. Generally there seems to be a 40% positive rule for most responses. But in survey three I asked the straight guys what their responses would be if a male friend suggested watching porn together. 56% of them said that they had or still do watch porn with male friends. I kind of thought that this might be above expectation, so I took this further and asked what their response would be if their male friend then got his cock out to wank, and only 20% gave a negative response to this. When asked what their response would be if their friend offered to wank them or that they wank each other, 31% agreed that this would be something they’d like to do. A slightly larger % were unsure, but less than 30% gave an outright negative response. This shows that at about 70% of our heterosexual respondents were at least open to the idea of allowing a guy to wank them and returning the favour.

Luke: Why do you think this is so out of step with what we commonly accept about male sexuality, and what do you think this says about society and how we now deal with sexuality?

Conran: It’s a fetish, and most fetishes are kept in the dark. I believe this is because they confuse sexologists and they are contrary to the basics of being gay, bi and straight. People cannot bring themselves to break away from the three labels. Even renowned researchers fall into this trap of sticking to the gay/bi/straight labels, failing to notice that sexuality is natural and the labels are man-made. Since when does nature conform to our inventions? Basically, it confuses even the most educated people. It gets people’s backs up when you even try to discuss varied sexuality without the labels. Even gay men scream and shout that others are just “in denial” about their sexuality if they have a fetish for seeing guys wanking, but they’re often the first ones to argue that most men have a desire for same-sex interaction of some kind.
The most common fetish amongst heterosexual men is assumed to be for breasts. We see it in the media every day. But I dare say that the biggest fetish men have is for masturbation, because many of us do it so often. So why is this not even considered as a male fetish? I believe it is, and I believe this fetish is at least on a par with the boob fetish, and that it crosses the man-made labels of sexual identity.

Luke: So you believe that most men, separate from their sexuality, have a love for wanking and that they enjoy watching other men do it too?

Conran: Well, the evidence is there to at least suggest that the majority of heterosexual men enjoy seeing other men wanking. That doesn’t mean all of them will do it in reality, or that they’d do anything else with a guy. But just look at all the straight porn out there. There are scenes dedicated to just the male star(s) masturbating. The ending is almost inevitably focussed on the male wanking and shooting his load. Yes, men can be imagining they are in that position, but for so much emphasis to be on the guy stroking his cock and shooting his load there has to be more to it than just imagining being him.
When men watch lesbian porn are they imagining being one of the women?

It’s a question that has always intrigued me so I asked it in survey three. I asked these heterosexual men what aspects of porn they enjoy the most. Straight heterosexual sex was the top of the list, but in close second was male solo/duo/group masturbation. In addition, I asked these men which option they would choose between footage of a woman or man masturbating. 39% chose the male masturbation.
Across all the questions about porn, a massive 91% showed a distinct interest in watching men masturbating or having sex in their porn. That’s not suggesting they prioritise it over other subjects or scenes, but only 9% of all the straight men taking part chose strictly heterosexual choices in porn viewing.

Luke: That’s a massive break from what people imagine Heterosexual men enjoy!

Conran: I know. I went through it so many times to make sure there was no mistake. But it is what the data says. It doesn’t mean that’s all they watch, or that they prefer it, or that they enjoy it more than other aspects or subjects in porn. It simply shows that our heterosexual men enjoy one or several porn subjects solely about male masturbation or male/male sex as simply a part of their porn viewing.

Luke: So why aren’t most guys meeting up for this activity, or are they and we just don’t know it?

Conran: First, I believe more men do than we currently accept. Between friends these things do happen. Most of the time it’s not a big deal, although it’s fascinating from my perspective. But there are also many millions of men around the world who desperately want that kind of friendship but are still trapped by these fictitious and overly-simplified labels. They fear what their friends might think, they worry that it might “make them gay” or they simply don’t understand that it’s so incredibly common.
They think they’re weird. That’s something else that is worth mentioning here; the first question in all the surveys I conducted asked the men to decide their sexuality. And a far higher number chose Bisexual or curious than is ever reflected in society.
I think this shows that many men are open to same-sex desires, and they do accept that they have them, they just can’t find an outlet, or they believe that they are a minority.
That’s something I admit that I messed up on. I didn’t save much of the data for guys stating their sexuality as anything other than Heterosexual. Looking back on it now I know that I should have at least investigated the numbers stating that they were curious or bisexual to see how they matched our perceptions of society. But, in my defence, it was intended to be an investigation into Heterosexual men, and I didn’t consider at the time that it would become a book either.

Luke: So if guys already do have these experiences with other guys, how do you think men find mates to share these things with?

Conran: I think most of the time these things happen organically. Men develop easy friendships where nudity often isn’t a big deal. And sharing porn is acceptable. It seems inevitable that if two guys are sharing porn, they’re going to get hard, and they’re going to want to wank. If they’re that close, and they trust each other, there’s no real reason why they can’t just get their dicks out and have a wank. That’s the best kind of scenario in my opinion, you become good friends and then this sort of sexual sharing isn’t a big deal.
But men can also seek out others based on the basic desire to see another guy stroking his cock, and even doing it for him. I don’t know if you have to be braver for that, or to risk attempting it with a friend, but men do it with strangers all the time and often close friendships can come from it too.

But that’s also why the B8M8 Network is such a good idea. It lets men fix their own boundaries and find other men to be friends with, knowing that sexual sharing is always an option between them. It doesn’t have to be all about meeting a guy for a wank, it can be about finding new friends and knowing that you can suggest it in the future or that you can build to that if you want to. I think, from my experience at least, that kind of situation can be preferable to many. It’s perhaps less awkward.

Luke: It is something I have thought about quite a bit. I wanted B8M8 to be focussed away from the sexual labels and more toward just men being men and finding mates who aren’t at all shy about their dick. But at the same time, I have wondered about adding an option for men to state sexuality, just so we can see how diverse the group is. What do you think?

Conran: It’s tricky. Like I said, a lot of gay men have issues when it comes to other men suggesting they’re straight while enjoying a wank with a mate. Even I find myself having to use the labels to explain my ideas (and I hate doing it). The labels are sometimes necessary, but in the case of B8M8 I don’t think they are.
So I’d say steer clear of it. Besides, the group seems to work as it is, why change it? Stick to your original ideas about the group and don’t forget the basic principle; sexuality doesn’t matter.

Luke: I think you’re right. So, back to the book. If you could pick one aspect of the research that most surprised you what would it be?

Conran: Apart from the 91% enjoying guys you mean? I’d have to say the responses to scenarios I posed.
When you ask a straight guy what he would do if a male friend walked in on him wanking you’d expect all of them to say they’d tell him to get out. I should have known by this point that the responses would be more interesting than that, and they were.

I was also surprised to see how out of step most of these guys were with each other. That kind of shows just how imposing societal perceptions are in these guys opinions about other guys. For instance -and these numbers are just off the top of my head, I don’t have them to hand right now - 50% might say that they would watch a guy wanking if they saw him in the gym showers having a tug, but they think that only 10% of other guys would. In my opinion that just supports the idea that most men just think they’re strange for having these sexual differences, they think they are not the same as most of the other respondents. At the end of one survey I asked them if they thought other guys had responded differently to them, and while many stated that they thought plenty of the others would have some surprising answers, a lot of them also thought they were more open minded and adventurous than other guys. The truth is that the extreme minority were the guys giving exclusively heterosexual answers.

We have this perception in society that most straight guys would respond negatively to the idea or suggestion of doing anything sexual with another guy, but these surveys show the opposite to be true. Those who would give a negative response are the extreme minority, most would at least be open to the idea, at least in principle.
It is fair to say though that this is in an anonymous hypothetical situation. If I were to ask these men in the street, their responses would be more stereotypical because of the expectations put upon them.

Luke: So what do you think needs to change to improve things, and should things change?

Conran: Things should definitely change! For a start we need sexologists who actually have a clue publishing data that isn’t built on misguided and/or biased opinions and flawed research methods!
One “highly renowned” piece of research dealing with male sexuality in prisons completely ignored the act of masturbation. Can you believe that? They were asking men, in prison, for the purpose of sexual research, about their sexual relationships with other inmates, and they completely forgot to mention mutual masturbation!

When I read that, and when I saw how well regarded this piece of “research” was in sexologist circles (if there is such a thing) it actually made me angry. I mean, these people are paid quite nicely for their work, they are “professionals”. And yet they can complete a scientific paper researching male sexuality and completely disregard the most common sexual act of all.
Another highly regarded piece of research was interview based. If a complete stranger sat you down in a room and asked some very intimate questions about your sexual desires, would you be 100% honest? And these are well regarded research papers that modern sexologists and psychologists base their education on.
A modern example of poor research being used to educate is something most readers have probably heard of. A group of male students were asked about their opinions of homosexuality, and then their responses to various pornography were measured. Yet the research fails to even consider fetish, or mention what aspects of sexual activity were shown! Seeing guys kissing does nothing for me, neither does watching anal sex, but seeing a guy masturbating does. I completely believe that if that if they had separated these tests by sexual act the results would have been far different based on the individual fetishes of the men involved. And it would have been accurate too!

It’s no wonder we’re in the mess we are socially when it comes to sexuality! Just like any field of science, if the foundations are not correct then everything built upon them is highly dubious. People use these research documents to create their own theories and research, and if that one piece of work is flawed, everything created using it is flawed too.
And what else can we do about it? Keep being active in groups and societies like B8M8. Be open and honest where you can, and don’t ever feel the need to justify yourself to others. Research the facts and have some ammunition ready for when someone challenges your view. Have the sexual relationships that you want to have with other adults and don’t hide it away because you think people will label you as gay or bisexual. And when they do argue with you and say you’re just in denial, throw the facts back at them and point out that the labels are man-made, sexual desire isn’t.

Luke: That’s all good advice. And it’s no surprise that I agree completely. So what else is in store for us after Seven Pints? Are you planning a sequel?

Conran: Actually I wanted to talk to you about that. How about involving the B8M8 Network in the next Male Sexuality Survey?

So there we have it dear readers. If you haven’t taken a look at Seven Pints By Conran Thomas, take a look here.

Friday, 8 October 2010

Have Immediate Access to Seven Pints!

You can now gain immediate access to this fantastic ebook by Conran Thomas, and buy in GBP, USD or EUR!
Simply select your option and go through PayPal, you'll be immediately diverted after sale to the Seven Pints Page on MensSexAdvisor.co.uk where you can either view it in your browser, or download to your PC.

Or, go straight to the page on MensSexAdvisor!



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Sunday, 19 September 2010

45% stated that they would watch

In the second, smaller survey in Seven Pints, Conran focuses on the guy's attitudes to wanking and poses a few scenarios.

When asked what they would do if they stumbled upon another guy wanking in a communal shower or in a locker room, 70% of our straight guys said that they wouldn't mind.

45% said that they would watch the guy stroking.

What's even more surprising is that 29% of these straight guys would join in and have a wank too. The same number would openly masturbate in such an environment themselves if they believed that other guys would join them.

15% have seen another guy masturbating in such an environment.

Finally, and somewhat interestingly, just over 39% of these straight guys believe that MOST OTHER GUYS would join in if they saw another guy wanking in a shower or locker room. Over a third of straight guys think that most guys would join in!
This is interesting, considering that only 29% have said that they would join in. So this leaves 10% who think that most other guys would join in, but wouldn't themselves.
Does this suggest that 10% of guys think other guys are more curious and sexually adventurous than they are?


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Monday, 13 September 2010

51% of straight guys think wanking another guy is okay!

In survey one of Seven Pints, Conran asks these heterosexual guys what they think is acceptable for them to do with another guy.

Now, if we go by what we expect of heterosexuality, a VERY LOW number should agree that any sexual acts are reasonable between two straight guys.

But, again, we find that the truth is far from what we expect.



51% of our straight guys believe that stroking another guys dick is completely acceptable between straight men!
Yes, you read that right. Over half of our straight guys think it is perfectly fine to wank another guys dick.

What's more, a whopping 76% think that watching a guy stroking is acceptable too.

But, what's perhaps the most surprising, and again extremely supportive of Conran's proposal that there is a distinct fetish for cock and masturbation, is that only 43% believe it's reasonable for straight guys to watch porn of gay sex.

Our straight guys think that stroking another guys cock is more acceptable than watching gay porn.

I think this shows the automatic association of "gay" with anal sex specifically. And again, I believe it shows more evidence for a wanking fetish, or specifically a cock fetish, amongst a lot of heterosexual men.
The proposal is that straight guys have a narcissistic love of cock, and that they do indeed have a fetish for cock and masturbation that completely disregards the labels of straight, gay and bi.

So when you compare the act of simply WATCHING gay sex and actually TOUCHING another dick, these guys think it is more acceptable to actually engage in mutual masturbation than simply view footage of gay sex.


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37.7% of our heterosexual men have watched another guy masturbating

Check Out Seven Pints by Conran Thomas
In survey one of Seven Pints Conran goes almost straight to the meaty questions.

The one we're focusing on here asks what sexual activity our heterosexual respondents have experienced with other guys.

37.7% of our heterosexual guys have watched another guy wanking. This is a separate question to what they watch in porn. This specifically asks what activities our straight guys have actually engaged in with other guys.
Interestingly, a lower 33.5% have allowed another guy to watch them masturbate.

It could be argued that many have seen other guys stroking by accident, or that they watched while their friend wasn't aware of them. I believe Conran is looking at framing these specific questions in a different way for the next survey, in an attempt to establish the scenario.

It is still quite fascinating to discover that more than a third of heterosexual men have either watched a guy masturbating or have masturbated while another guy watched.

Further to this, 24% of our straight guys have allowed another guy to stroke their dick, while just over 22% have returned the favor.

13% have allowed a guy to suck them, while only 9% have sucked another guys dick.

Conran rightly points out a decreasing scale in the sexual acts performed. There is a distinct pattern of our straight guys losing interest the more extreme a sexual act becomes, with more being the recipient than the provider of pleasure.
It's a fair and reasonable assumption to make that these guys prefer to receive than to give. But it could also be noted that the act of mutual masturbation shows the lowest difference in % between giving and receiving. I believe this is an indication that there is a boundary where mutuality is expected. More of our straight guys have given a hand when receiving a hand than have returned oral when receiving it.

To better prove this point, the following question asks the straight guys directly if they would masturbate with a male friend if he suggested it.

Just over 30% said they would accept this proposal without question.


In total, only 15% said that they wouldn't engage in mutual masturbation with a male friend if it was offered.

A staggering 85% of our heterosexual men would at the very least consider wanking with a mate.

Conran correctly points out that it might well depend on the male friend in question. But, however we look at this question, the fact that 85% of heterosexual men would consider wanking with another guy and that over 30% wouldn't even question it before grabbing their dick, shows that male sexuality is no longer as simple as we are led to believe.

For the complete copy of Seven Pints, with hundreds of questions across three surveys of hundreds of heterosexual guys, check out Seven Pints - Self-Identified Heterosexual Men and the Male/Male Mutual Masturbation Fetish.

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Sunday, 12 September 2010

37% of our respondents admit that they peek in the Men's room

Check Out Seven Pints by Conran Thomas
An interesting fact I'd like to explore that was raised in the book Seven Pints is that 37% of the guys answering this survey admit that they check out other guys dicks when they're in the men's room.

Remember, these guys are all self-identified as straight.

Conran posed this question amongst other questions related to their men's room habits, so I'll explore several of them individually.


When asked about guys catching other guys checking them out, 41% of guys in their 40's said it bothered them, while only 31% of guys in their teens suggested that they were bothered by this.

On its own this perhaps suggests a change in attitudes to what is acceptable and what is considered erotic. And this could be either due to age or a shift in societal opinions. It could simply be that younger guys are more sexually inclined, or perhaps that older guys are more aware of others sexuality.

But overall, 40% admit that they have seen other guys checking them out and that they didn't mind. When broken down into age range, the figure who don't mind rises with each age group. This could indicate an increased acceptability of penis appreciation, but it could also (rather mundanely) indicate increased use of facilities too.
Thinking back to my teenage years and my 20's, I was always more self-conscious and aware of myself in these environments, and perhaps what we are seeing here is an increased comfort with exposing the penis in a male environment rather than an increase in penis appreciation with age.

Another interesting fact here is that 37% of our straight guys admit that they have gotten an erection when noticing another guy looking at their dick in the men's room. Those guys in their 20's experience this more than any other age group, with 42% admitting that they have been aroused by seeing other guys checking them out.
Presumably there is an element of exhibitionism here, but I have to wonder if there is more arousal to seeing another guys dick than is made obvious by this question.

It is clear that if you are in a men's room with your dick in your hand where another guy can view your penis, they are in the same position. So it does raise the question of whether many of these guys are in fact aroused by viewing another man's penis than they are by being observed.

However we analyze and disect these results, one thing is perfectly clear; many heterosexual men admit to viewing other guys in the men's room, and many are sometimes aroused while there. This can only be another example to show that heterosexuality is certainly not what we expect it to be,
Therefore, the questions are valid, and the proposition Conran makes that many heterosexual men experience a fetish for penis is supported.

For more on this please check out Seven Pints By Conran Thomas.

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